How Covid Changed My Life (In a Good Way): Hitting Rock Bottom

Everything Was “Fine”—But I Wasn’t

Before the pandemic, life looked good on paper: I had a stable job, a decent salary, great colleagues, and I was living in Brussels. But I wasn’t thriving. I wasn’t miserable either—just uninspired. Looking back, I now see I was stuck in a comfortable… morass.

I thought that this feeling of unease was due to the weirdness of realizing that you don't need to fight for a job anymore, at least for a while.

I got this job in July 2019 and after a few weeks, I realized that the work I was doing - mostly database reorganization - felt like an endless, directionless task. I couldn’t see where it was heading or where I was heading with it. My energy was draining, and I didn’t understand the long-term purpose of what I was doing.

Why Going to Work Felt Good (Until It Didn’t)

Eventually, I understood that the only reason I didn’t dread going to the office was the people I met there. But that comfort shattered when my manager - the only person I felt close to - left for a better job. His departure triggered intense anxiety and forced me to confront the truth: I wasn’t happy. (By the way, the turnover was crazy high).

If there is one single thing I hated was coordinating. And representing people who cannot do their job or doing things on their behalf, and ending so in the same "mass". I didn’t want to represent teams whose standards I didn’t share. I’m deeply individualistic and take pride in doing things well. 

I was constantly stressed, unable to “switch off,” and haunted by doubts about my performance - even though, ironically, they fired the guy who replaced me.

Despite good feedback from managers I respected, I constantly worried I wasn’t doing enough. The environment was so disorganized that even my hyper-responsible attitude couldn’t keep me grounded. I was exhausted by the pressure I put on myself to avoid creating problems for others.

Disillusionment with the EU Bubble

I often checked a Facebook group run by the guy who had “predicted it all.” Through his content, I discovered entrepreneurship and personal development. I devoured podcasts and audiobooks, listening non-stop. It was a lifeline - my work required minimal brainpower, so I filled the void with ideas that lit a fire in me.

Then December 2019 came and Covid starts, but only in China, you know.

I worked in the Brussels “EU bubble,” surrounded by think tanks and consultancies feeding off the institutions. Many colleagues were blindly pro-EU, to the point of denying obvious shortcomings. 

I remember people justifying inadequate healthcare by claiming, “Health isn’t an EU competence.” That kind of cognitive dissonance disgusted me - especially as Italy, my home country, suffered badly during the early days of the pandemic.

A Turning Point: Choosing Work Over Family  

In early March 2020, I had planned to visit my parents in Lombardy. But I postponed the trip - not for health reasons, but because I didn’t want to make my Brussels colleagues uncomfortable. I didn’t want to risk being seen as irresponsible. That decision still haunts me. I chose work over family.

And for a moment, I risked never seeing my parents again.