Is Learning a Language Like Going to Therapy?
A Story of Emotional Resistance
Discover how language teaching parallels therapy
through a teacher's personal account of guiding a struggling student
The Email That Set Off an Alarm
When I received an email from a potential student saying he was “assessing different teachers and comparing conditions,” I felt uneasy. The tone was distant. My gut told me to ignore it - my experience says that if someone starts out unmotivated, it usually doesn’t end well.
I’m cold-blooded about decisions: either it’s what I need, and I face it fully, or I don’t even start.
So if:
- you’ve lived in Italy for 7 years,
- you feel increasingly frustrated,
- you never intended to stay,
- you still haven’t learned the language,
- and you’re missing out on opportunities because of it...
...and still, that’s not enough to get you moving - then what is?
The “Psychologist” Metaphor
Still, I didn’t ignore him. Instead, I decided to be bold in my reply. I opened with a metaphor that’s close to my heart.
“I understand you’re not feeling motivated, but learning a language is a bit like going to a psychologist: you have to choose to take that first step. The teacher can guide and support you, but they can’t force the knowledge into your head.”
“Reflect on why you need or want to learn Italian. Write it down. If you can’t find a reason, maybe this isn’t the right moment.”
The Emotional Burden of Teaching
He started working with me. But from the beginning, I could feel the weight: emotional overwhelm, fear, feeling stuck, complaining—and not doing the work I asked.
(If you ever want to frustrate a teacher: ignore their advice.)
I tried different approaches over time—encouragement, flexibility, even strategy shifts. He had clear pronunciation and a natural talent for speaking, but the block was stronger.
Eventually, he said he might need someone to speak with in real life instead of online. That was my cue to step away. And this was my farewell:
“You’re stuck in a loop:
Not speaking → Reviewing (useless) → No confidence → Fear of speaking.
A teacher gives you the hammer to break the loop. But you have to use it—online or offline, the choice is yours.”
What about you? Are you going to take action and use that hammer?
If you want to break that loop gently—but effectively—join my next monthly program.