Lesson 13: Socializing Abroad - Why Local Language Skills Are Essential

A few months ago, I wrote a short email course about the importance of learning the local language abroad - even when it feels like a waste of time.

While my initial audience was foreigners in Italy, this applies to any immigrant who gets by without speaking the local language. Think, for instance, of the thousands of people in Brussels speaking neither French nor Dutch who consider learning them pointless.

After quitting my job, I first focused on French for social reasons. My social circle had shrunk to former colleagues, and we didn’t have much in common anymore. That’s when I thought:

“It’s time to belgify myself.”

Soon after, I also began studying Dutch, even though I didn’t need it immediately.

Better safe than sorry

When I enrolled in Dutch classes during my gap year, another thought hit me:

“As a freelancer, what if things go wrong and I need a job?”

Returning to the EU bubble wasn’t an option, and Italy wasn’t in my plans. Dutch, just like French, became crucial. Despite panic attacks, I pushed through.

I also considered another scenario:

“What if you live with your partner abroad and completely depend on them?”

I know someone in Italy in that situation. Her early choice to study Italian was wise—but I wouldn’t want to rely completely on another person.

Unless you’re absolutely sure you’d leave if circumstances changed (and can anyone be that sure?), learning the local language is the best safeguard for your peace of mind.

Life Inside International Bubbles

This piece is mainly for people like me—I dislike the term expat. We’re privileged immigrants who work in English. But if you’re living somewhere without the local language, depending on your partner or friends, this still applies.

Two main goals of learning the local language:

• Strengthen human connection
• Reduce daily frustration with locals

1. The role of English

Let’s be clear: the illusion that English is enough abroad is dangerous.

Sure, you might work in English—but is work your whole social life? What about shopkeepers, neighbors, your child’s teachers, or doctors in an emergency?

Even if locals know English, will you build truly deep, meaningful connections in a foreign country if you never speak their language? Probably not.

2. Two kinds of people

From what I’ve observed, people fall broadly into two groups:

• Those who socialize regardless of language
• Those who prioritize their own language first

For instance, in Belgium, Flemish people are often labeled as “grumpy.” Yet, my most meaningful conversations have been in Dutch with Flemings. They valued my effort, even if clumsy, and appreciated the attempt to meet them in their language.

This shows how often deeper bonds depend less on how well you speak, and more on your willingness to try.

3. The case of Italians

Italians have the reputation of being warm and welcoming - but reality is more nuanced.

Xenophobia (fear of the unfamiliar) plays a larger role than people realize, even among Italians themselves. Many avoid interacting outside their “tribe.”

This makes speaking Italian (or at least trying) an important trust-builder. For people who fear embarrassment or “looking foolish,” hearing you make the effort in their own language breaks barriers in a way English never could.

4. Duolingo-level Skills Aren't Enough

A few phrases on Duolingo may impress at first, but it won’t get you far.

If your language level is too low:

• Misunderstandings are frequent
• Conversations feel childish and boring
• Locals lose interest

To form real friendships, you need proficiency beyond survival phrases. You don’t need perfect grammar, but you must be able to express ideas clearly without constantly simplifying yourself.

5. A little secret

Here’s a secret: good pronunciation covers many grammar mistakes.

When someone speaks Italian with a pleasant accent, I often overvalue their skills. Pronunciation makes you sound familiar, “part of the tribe,” and locals notice.

Accent influences trust, patience, and whether people stick to your language or switch to English. In multilingual places like Brussels, a strong accent can even determine if locals continue in French/Dutch—or immediately switch to English.

That’s why I emphasize pronunciation so much in my teaching. It’s one of the most powerful tools you have for building social connections abroad.

Wrap-up

Living abroad comfortably in English might seem easy, but it comes with hidden costs: dependence, isolation, and missed connections.

Learning the local language isn’t about grammar drills—it’s about independence, peace of mind, and deeper human connection.

So here’s my challenge to you:

• If you live abroad, what’s stopping you from learning the local language?
• Have you had moments when speaking it opened unexpected doors?

The more you invest in language, the richer your social life abroad will be.

Previous Lesson Back to the outline Next Lesson